Friday, May 8, 2009

Arsenal: Three to Go...

It sure would be nice to sweep up the season with three victories in three matches.
Let's take a look at what lies ahead, shall we?

Sunday - Chelsea @ Home:

Arsenal meets the other Champion's League loser, Chelsea, this weekend.
As Wenger himself pointed out, Chelsea may be the only team feeling worse than us right now after seeing their dream of a historic Champion's League Final rematch against United absolutely blind-sided by a late Barcelona goal, crushing all hope with only 120 seconds to play.
I'm all for kicking a team who's already down and this Chelsea team is perfectly ripe.
I imagine it will take everything they've got to simply drag themselves out of bed to face us.
I mean, what do they have to look forward to?
Another season of managerial uncertainty, that's for sure, as their lucky Dutch rabbits foot, Guus Hiddink, return to the task of prepping the Russian national team for World Cup action.
In a show of solidarity and a symbolic gesture of support for misunderstood party-boy Nicholas Bendtner, I expect the entire Arsenal squad to take the field with their shorts around their ankles.
There's no doubt in my mind Arsenal can beat Chelsea with or without shorts...
As long as Arshavin takes the field.
But he's a huge doubt as he struggles to recover from the flu.
But wait, so is Arsenal's blue boogyman, Drogba, as he struggles to recover from a complete mental breakdown in the wake of their devastating Champion's League defeat.
No Drogba is bigger than no Arshavin at the moment.
And we don't have to do any tricky away goals math, which is a big relief.
Arsenal wins.

May 16 - Manchester United @ Old Trafford:

This one isn't so easy.
We've already seen the difference in class illustrated on the field and off.
As Bendtner was being dragged away from a nightclub with his jeans around his knees, the United crew were spotted wearing impeccably tailored suits, looking all about business in their respectable victory celebration.
What's to stop United from spanking Arsenal again, you ask?
Two things:
Arshavin and Arshavin.
That's right, I'm counting him twice because he's that good.
Arsenal weren't allowed to use him in the Champion's League and honestly, we were so poor maybe he doesn't make a difference but if anyone can change the game, it's Honest Arsh.
The Arsenal defense won't be mended in time for this match but maybe United takes us just a hair too lightly as their eye wanders ahead to their showdown with Barcelona.
And we pounce, seizing opportunity in a momentary lapse in concentration, hopefully with Evra and Berbatov turned inside out in the process, by none other than a rampaging Nicklas Bendtner!
I really want Nick to learn how to shoot because, for a big guy, he's good on the ball and he's certainly got no shortage of confidence but most importantly, he's not afraid to go out by himself and get so drunk his pants fall down.
I said Arsenal 3-1 in the Champion's League but that was before I realized it was opposite day.
I'm going to give this one to Manchester United, 2-1.
(Don't worry–another opposite day)

May 24 Stoke City @ Home:

Certainly doesn't have the sex appeal of the two previous matches but it's the last match of the season and if that's not sexy, well, I don't know what is.
Stoke is one of those very average teams that gave us trouble earlier in the season.
Well, Arsenal's not had much trouble with the likes of them, or anyone else in the last 21 games, and I don't think they'll slip on this banana peel.
Arsenal  just needs to take a page from United (after beating them, of course) and go about our ruthless business with cold surgical precision.
Just keep an eye on the big Jamaican, Ricardo Fuller, and let the offense do the rest.
No contest.
Arsenal will be tasting blood after feasting on the remains of Berbatov and Evra in the previous match.
Victory Arsenal.

So that's it, nice and tidy.
Then we can get on with the business of constant speculation about who stays and who goes and the summer flirtation and courting of new players to fill the rather large gaps in our defense.

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